Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Hows my little Critic?

Last night an excited Laura and I sat down in front of the Laptop TV combo for an online viewing of the newest sensation amongst the tweenage ladies.



I am admittedly a fan of the books as of book two, but not such a die hard fan to get pissed at the movie if it were to be off in the story or anything like that, no sir, not me!

Watching the Twilight movie last night made me want to weep in despair. Why? There are numerous reasons to have been completely underwhelmed. Many of those reasons are completely independent of the book to movie comparisons as well.

Lets start with the feel of the film. Awkward. The film was awkward because as a conditioned movie watcher I want my camera angles to change at the LONGEST every five seconds, go ahead and count while watching your next show or movie, this isn't too far off. If there were any dialogue portions longer than 5 seconds I could handle that because there would have been something to keep my mind busy. Nary was there any of that sort.

Blue and Green. I applaud the Art Director of the film to come up with a color palate so drab and moody for an entire full length feature. This was supposed to be film with a fiery romance about some sexy vampire not an attempt to depress the audience, or was it?

Quality of Movie:
I'm very sure after reading the book once, I could have directed this movie at a pretty comparable quality of suck. Give me a handful of young hotties and a the paperback and I can make you something that resembles the story with a handheld and a tripod. Did the actors get chosen randomly from the street? I'll give Pattinson some slack, he at least changed his natural accent. But Kristen Stewart? She couldn't spit out a believable line once.

The acting was so bad that when the movie ended I wasn't convinced they were in love!

They had two hours to do only a few things I'm sure I've seen done in 90 minutes before.

1. Develop the characters.
2. Show me romance and love.
3. How about a thrilling climax?
4. Leave me yearning for more.
I already know there will be.

Of course since I read the book I can't get away with not running any comparisons; The Twilight movie was a solidly bad movie. Especially when compared to the book, the book made me laugh out loud, I couldn't wait to read more and I was skipping lines just to read what came next sooner, THAT is suspense. The movie left me bored and upset at my boredom. There was no suspense, no drama, and no yearning. Hell the conflict only lasted for only 20 of the 120 minutes, where it could have easily lasted 45, easily. That would have left a still solid 75 minutes for love, swooning and support character development.

Jurassic Park managed to be a pretty kickass movie while the book still rocked my world in a completely different way. Why couldn't Twilight?

2 comments:

Unknown said...

That girl in the movie is really weird. I saw her interview with David Letterman and it was just sort of awkward. I hoped that maybe she was a really good actress... but maybe not?

anniemosity said...

i have all of the same feelings, for real. if i were an art/film student in high school and was super angsty and misunderstood, that was the "twilight" movie i would have made. luckily enough they're switching directors for the next movie. here's hoping.

also can i say without fear of judgment that i was upset that they added shit into the movie that wasn't in the book? that whole "james and his crew are attacking humans thing" was stupid and factually inaccurate. just saying.

also robert pattinson sucked, on these huge levels of suck that i wasn't previously aware of. he looked good, but every time he opened his mouth i wished for his death.

i could go on. i won't, out of fear that i've already embarrassed myself.