Hows my little newsflash?!

**NEWS FLASH**
For the first time in Facebook's short history the overwhelming majority of users applaud the new changes on Facebook citing fewer options to publicly share their private lives. Bob Abooey enthusiastically posted on Facebook's wall "I've never been more excited to have fewer options!" The changes come on the heels of Google's new social network Google+ which allows sharing of thoughts, photos, and allows users to communicate via video connection, among many other features. Mark Zuckerberg (film star and CEO) claimed these exciting changes are to differentiate the Facebook experience from it's competitors. "By having a virtual network in which friends and strangers alike can't communicate openly, the new 'face' encourages real life encounters and facilitates networks of individuals in their physical environments." He later continued, "No more will friendly smiles and waves be interpreted as strange or creepy events but as a friendly encounter that will promote verbal communication."

Some of the newest changes include:
Photos are now only visible to those who are featured in them.
Friends must now pass a 5 question quiz in order to connect to each other.
Profile photos have now been replaced with Mr. and Ms. Pacman images.
The Wall & Chat has been replaced with "call" and "visit".
Due to popular demand "like" has now been changed to "dislike".
Business pages now have the ability to "export to yellow pages".
Users can now only invite 30% of their friends to any event they create.
Privacy settings are now very simple:
   -  Share with everyone ever
   -  Share with my friends who passed the quiz.
A new "report stalker" button.
The revamped inbox features cursive writing samples and links to local pen and paper suppliers.
Status updates will be limited to one submission per day.

One of the largest changes announced was Facebook will now only store uploaded data for three days instead of indefinitely. Zuckerberg lauded this change as a fantastic change for the network as a whole since it had been growing at such a rapid pace the infrastructure was "getting expensive" and this change should solve those issues relatively quickly. Privacy advocates cheered for five entire minutes during this portion of the presentation.

Also a user specific printed edition of the new Facebook will be printed and mailed to each user's household. This is to encourage sharing with their neighbors and friends they regularly see. Yearly printed editions will be made available through local libraries to ensure users will still have the ability to randomly browse both friend's and strangers profiles alike.

Users have greeted these new changes with praise and cheer. The future certainly looks bright for the social giant.